Our shadow selves are healthy and can be appropriate. It’s more of a question of when and for how long. Because trying to get a rocking outcome from relying on our shadow selves is simply out of balance. But to deny the shadow self is to deny life. Because it's there. Pretending like it doesn’t exist - is just going to lead to disappointment & self-judgment.
Tony Robbins says there are 4000 emotions you can go to, but most only rely on 6! So which are the 6 you are going to? Are they leading you to where you want to be heading? Increasing Self-love?
Start by being calm when the next storm comes. Leave the drama for someone else. And notice how others will start to see you differently. Become the model of demonstration for how adversity can be handled, and soon we discover together that no one needs the storm. It could be managed gracefully instead.